why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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