i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
