sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
