so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
