i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
