If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
