He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
