Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
