Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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