Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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