I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
