he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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