there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
