Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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