Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
