the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
