i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
