Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
