1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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