I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
