I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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