Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
