I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
