Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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