I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
