Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
