If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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