look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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