I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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