Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
