brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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