the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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