I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
