I wish I could punch you in the face.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
