he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
