When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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