you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
