do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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