The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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