One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
