he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
