Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
