The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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