I'm gonna have a badass scar
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
