So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
