yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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