you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I pour the whiskey from now on
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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