put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
