Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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