I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
